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Topics - (the) Razor

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Melvins Discussion / An ode to Melvins lyrics
« on: January 06, 2017, 12:52:00 AM »
 blue worm shake hands with a legless lizard
rub builds the fertile nation
Four tacks the abnormal butter.
triples the disagreeable stage.
 dense futures for the cooked villages

Chorus (only once because y'know Melvins don't do choruses)
discovery navigates the well-groomed food

Melvins Discussion / Melvins classic moments
« on: November 04, 2016, 08:28:16 PM »
Once Dad bought these new bookshelf speakers, took him a while to set them up one Saturday morning. The hardest part was that he had to thread the cables behind some shelving and the TV, which was difficult because it was one of those heavy plasma TVs on the wall so it made everything really difficult to get to. After like an hour or so, he was proud that he finished it.

This was over 10 years ago mind you, so he grabbed the first thing he could find to test out these new speakers which happened to be my B&W iPod. He hooked it up and without looking pressed play and waited to see what his new system could do.

Nothing really happened except for a weird tone. That's what it sounded like to him but to me it was also known as the intro to Manky. Dad thought his amp was fucked. Completely fucked like he had somehow either blown it or he had some poor quality cabling. Couldn't work it out either way. Never seen a guy so confused before. When the Manky tone started fading out he thought the whole thing was just completely gone at this point. For some reason, honestly, he decided the only thing left to do was to turn up the volume LOUD at to which point the guitars kicked in as the same time as I laughed and he set a record for jumping the highest from a crouching position. Almost blew his speakers. LOL. Another classic moment in time brought to you by the Melvins.

Melvins Discussion / Melvin's Ultimate guitar interview
« on: May 05, 2016, 09:09:00 PM »
This came up on my custom Google News

Interesting read although covers some standard stuff....once again poor Buzz has to talk about Kurt. Still, I didn't know they recorded Pigs and The Jelvins at the same time.

Melvins Discussion / Review of The Melvins
« on: March 03, 2016, 12:47:48 AM »
So I found the following snippet from a paper in my archives. I wrote this for a school assignment a very LONG time ago. Needless to say after school I never became a professional reviewer.  :lol:

The opening band for Tool was a band from Los Angeles named The Melvins. They were a punk/heavy metal/grunge band consisting of a drummer, guitarist/singer and a bassist. The Melvin's were a fantastic [Edit: Damn straight past self] opening band. They played loud, heavy and had outbursts of fast solos that was just simply ear candy. Although there was a slight technical problem (the sound was too loud and over-distorted) all their songs sounded the same. I thought they had only played about three songs, but I found their set list that they had played. Surprisingly they had managed to blend in about 8 different songs that sounded exactly the same. After a while they finished and on came Tool...

Melvins Discussion / Shevil.
« on: April 24, 2015, 05:54:48 AM »
One of the greatest songs in the past, present and future of mankind. It is THAT good. By the way, there is no use arguing below because I'm telling you that you will be wrong. Whatever you think is the best song is wrong. Also, you are also wrong if you think there should be no such thing as "a best song ever". Because guess what you silly? This song is is the pinnicale. The tippy top. The A list of A lists.

Now on to the specifics....

Since there are zero Melvins fans in real life, have I been pronouncing the worlds greatest song wrong in my head for the best part of 10 years?




Melvins Discussion / Which one of you did this?
« on: September 12, 2014, 06:45:28 PM »
Let's have a little talk shall we. Now, who did this? It's okay, you won't get in trouble, I promise.

Buzz Osborne
Dale Crover
Jeff Pinkus
Paul Leary

Past members   

Matt Lukin
Mike Dillard
Lori Black
Joe Preston
Mark Deutrom
Kevin Rutmanis

Coady Willis
Jared Warren

Former members
Coady Willis - drums (2006-2013)
Jared Warren - bass guitar (2006-2013)

Melvins Discussion / I miss this part of the Melvins
« on: September 12, 2014, 06:38:48 PM »
I think it's amazing a band can reinvent themselves over 30 years and still manage to not only retain their originality but still find new paths and still surprise even the most hardcore of fans. It's a credit to just how brilliant Buzz is at song writing and that Dale is easily one of the top drummers in the business. No questions on both accounts.

BUT there is one core aspect of the Melvins that seems to have disappeared over the last few years and it's a tragedy that needs to be highlighted!

The awkward time signatures and phantom drumming!

So many songs in the past were built around strange rhythms - all of your mum's favourites like Oven, Roadbull, Cow, The Fool. You can here the angst in those beats over the top of Buzz's filthy vocals.

Sure it works perfectly the other way too when it flows so well like Billy Fish and most of the modern Melvins catalogue. There was something, however, so unique about those strange rhythmic offbeats in the past that had all sorts of signature tricks like phantom beats that would suddenly turn into repetitive caveman drumming. Even after twenty years of listening to these songs I still can't manage to tap along accurately to Dale's drumming on Lysol or Bullhead on the steering wheel in the car, it's deadset impossible.

I can live without Mark D or Kevin in the band anymore, that's cool, as Jared and Coady destroy - but the odd rhythms is something I wish Melvins would still employ in their deep, deep bag of tricks.

If you don't agree with me, you're wrong. Go and put on Ozma or Bullhead you campaigner!

Melvins Discussion / Jared's Vacuum Cleaner Sound Effect
« on: January 16, 2014, 05:05:41 AM »
I wish to know more!

Friends Before Larry is the most obvious appearance, but it's also all over Battlefields Forever.

I can't think when I first heard it, but it is a great signature sound which I hope is employed more in any future Melvins.

Melvins Discussion / Melvins are mainstream
« on: January 01, 2012, 05:24:18 AM »
So I was going through a mates music collection, this is almost 50,000 tracks of music - it's quite an effort. Massive Pirate - I do not condone. He has no idea what he's doing.

But it's okay really as these are some of the highlights of his music collection from the top of my head:

Aqua - Barbie Girl
South Park Chef Aid
Avril Lavigne
Crazy Frog
Billy Joel
Limp Bizkit
Black Eye Peas

You get the point. I'm sure Nickelback or Creed are in there somewhere.

So I'm picking at it, looking through it to find some interesting stuff, which is hard - although to be fair there is some interesting things in there.

The Avalances
Butthole Surfers (Pepper, naturally)

But that's it really. Oh yeah I forgot Celine Dion previously.

Anyway for shits and giggles I searched for "Melvins" and yes a track popped up.

What am I going to do? Melvins aren't cool any-more. Please help me.  Usually when I have a Melvins shirt on people go "what's a Melvin?" and I often then reflect on how impressively superior and vast my musical knowledge is. Until today. Now I fear if I wear my Melvins shirts in public I'll end up looking like a Ramone or a Slayer/Metallica shirt wearing dude....

But seriously, I guess I should make a thread about this. like...what interesting places have Melvin's popped up for you in real life? Obviously Juno was surprising, but that's not exactly real life.

Fantomas - Suspended Animation vs the last couple Melvins albums...(minus the Jello albums, 'cause they had a badass tone)

Hey, I finally found a good use for this smiley:


Act now to improve your copy of The Bride Screamed Murder:

1) Rip your CD to FLAC or WAV
2) Download Audacity Sound Editing Program (Free)
3) Import Melvins song
4) Delete Jazz Shit out of Hospital Up
5) File > Export to MP3 or FLAC

Success! Bride Screamed Murder Instantly better!

Razor's Hot Tips: You can also apply this amazing album enhancer to such other songs as...I'll Finish You Off! Prig! Manky! Magic Pig Detective...and more!

Enhance your Melvins catalogue today!

Take advantage of this amazing offer now and you can also slow (A) Senile Animal down by as much as 10% and as an added bonus, do not forget to join the Maggot tracks! Act now! WOW

Melvins Discussion / Will Melvins' music ever date?
« on: November 05, 2009, 04:13:56 AM »

However in the same year we got Bullhead.  

My point? Melvins music just doesn't date. Really.  

Yes, the production does let some of these earlier albums down a lot (BULLHEAD NEEDS TO BE REMASTERED STAT) and it's very easy to pick apart the 80's albums over the later ones.

Yet GPT, 13 songs, even Ozma, musically, they avoid all trends yet set them at the same time.  Just take a minute and think of all Melvin's peers and all those big 90's bands that have come and gone...even cult avante garde bands like Mr Bungle ....dated. They're all confined to their place in time.  

This defines classic.

I'm interested to know, do you fanboys out there still think these early albums will be fresh in perhaps a decade or two forward in time? Or is there anything you look back onto now and think it sounds like it belongs in the 80's or 90's?

I personally will not ever tire of this music!

Melvins Discussion / The definitive version of Lovely Butterfly
« on: July 17, 2009, 08:20:10 PM »
Live 1998 San Jose University.

A+ Remastered soundboard recording.


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