The Colossus of Destiny: A Melvins Tale

Started by Idlehanz, January 30, 2015, 07:59:04 PM

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black stallion

Quote from: Idlehanz on March 15, 2015, 10:16:16 AM
Quote from: molotov on March 15, 2015, 02:31:57 AM
Hanzy, could you tell us who's already been interviewed for the movie, and who's gonna be? So that we could make some advertisements on the internet.

So far we've announced:

Buzz Osborne
Dale Crover
Jared Warren
Coady Willis
JD Pinkus
Trevor Dunn
Mike Dillard
Kevin Rutmanis
Tom Flynn
Billy Anderson
Matt Lukin
Mark Arm
Paul Leary
Tom Hazelmeyer
David Yow
Greg Anderson
Lou Barlow
Steve McDonald
Toshi Kasai
Lori Barbero
Chris Cornell
Ben Shepard
Tweak Bird (both brothers)
Matt Pike
Jason Roeder
Wino
Greg Werckman
John Stanier
Al Smith
Regan Hagar
Scott Kelly
Brant Bjork
Mike Dean
JG Thirlwell
Jello
Mike Kunka

There will be more.

great
Charmicarmicat:Bastards


Sludgebaby

Quote from: DC on March 15, 2015, 09:18:46 AM
HERE'S MY LAUNDRY LIST OF COMPLAINTS SINCE EVERYONE IS BITCHING AND MOANING ABOUT EVERY SINGLE GODDAMN THING EVER:

1. If I pledge more than 50$, I should get the shirts, the hoodies, the posters, 2 copies of the extendo uber mega deluxe come-with-a-fleshlight-on-the-box-sos-i-can-fuck-it collectors edition,  with pizza delivery for a week from Buzzos dogs and a vial of every bassists blood, in a handmade Brazilian Rosewood coffin designed by Haze (spoiler alert, there will be skulls and goats), hand etched by Kevin, painted pink by the members of Boris, and with a hand numbered replica of the bottle or can or whatever it was that dick in Canada threw at buzz.

2. If I pledge more than 75$ I want Hanz to send me the camera he filmed this doc with so I can have a shot at doing it right, because he's obviously fucking it up, mailing it in, washing the true KVLT church burning past of MELVINS away for some light, pooftery affair, shitting the bed big time, only spending years and years of his life and time filming what is ultimately going to be a half assed, boring, and sexually confused bit of dare I (ironically) say "art," that makes Michael Bays Transformers 2 look like Schindlers list finger popping Precious whilst Blazing Saddles and Philadelphia awkwardly paw at each other in the corner.

3. Everyone who pitches in 5$ should get a written apology from Hanz (for not filming this in ultra space titty three dimensional 4k HD), Brian (for creating this board where we can endlessly bitch about every single goddamn nitpicky thing we do, don't, or may know about Melvins), the Band (for existing in the first place), Dave Ghrol (for not playing drums all that much anymore), Courney Love (thanks for the blowjob, my dick just fell off), and GLEN BECAUSE HE'S A FUCKIN' GREAT SOURCE OF POTASSIUM BUT HAS AN INCREDIBLY HIGH GLYCEMIC INDEX.

4. If there isn't an extended shot of some hipster girl in Olympia painting her toes while wearing a Melvins tube top, I'm pulling my funding, and me and Dave Ghrol are gonna go film a U2 documentary.

5. Actually, just give it away for free because fuck you, I'm an entitled little shit who would rather come here and complain about something that is truly amazeballs because I might have to pay a reasonable amount of money to see it than just be silent and let everyone who has a 12 foot raging full body iron balled stiffy be more excited than DC at a shoe store.


Fuck.

i love you
My favorite thing about Melvins is the goofy personality | These guys suck and Buzz is a pretentious hipster dork | This sounds nothing like Metallica. | Dales Dad was a drum, its in his blood. | King Buzzo's hair probably holds a lotta secrets | what the fuck is a stee? | Melvins as a way of life

Sludgebaby

Quote from: Idlehanz on March 15, 2015, 10:16:16 AM
Quote from: molotov on March 15, 2015, 02:31:57 AM
Hanzy, could you tell us who's already been interviewed for the movie, and who's gonna be? So that we could make some advertisements on the internet.

So far we've announced:

Buzz Osborne
Dale Crover
Jared Warren
Coady Willis
JD Pinkus
Trevor Dunn
Mike Dillard
Kevin Rutmanis
Tom Flynn
Billy Anderson
Matt Lukin
Mark Arm
Paul Leary
Tom Hazelmeyer
David Yow
Greg Anderson
Lou Barlow
Steve McDonald
Toshi Kasai
Lori Barbero
Chris Cornell
Ben Shepard
Tweak Bird (both brothers)
Matt Pike
Jason Roeder
Wino
Greg Werckman
John Stanier
Al Smith
Regan Hagar
Scott Kelly
Brant Bjork
Mike Dean
JG Thirlwell
Jello
Mike Kunka

There will be more.

you should really try to get an interview with the ghost of Kurt Cobain  :lol:
My favorite thing about Melvins is the goofy personality | These guys suck and Buzz is a pretentious hipster dork | This sounds nothing like Metallica. | Dales Dad was a drum, its in his blood. | King Buzzo's hair probably holds a lotta secrets | what the fuck is a stee? | Melvins as a way of life

Satchel Paige

Why is everybody actin' like a bunch of slacked-jawwed?


I can't wait until payday so I can contribute....

meezer

Quote from: Satchel Paige on March 15, 2015, 01:15:39 PM
Why is everybody actin' like a bunch of slacked-jawwed?


I can't wait until payday so I can contribute....
"Funds will be withdrawn on April 8th, if the project is successfully funded", per the Kickstarter confirmation e-mail. If you happen to be coveting a certain reward that might not be there for long.
"Get off of our stage. If you want on this stage, get in show business." -King Buzzo
"Yeah, we don't come in the 7-11 where you work and get up on the counter." -Mark D
https://soundcloud.com/meezerpocalypse/nathalie-b20-driving-force-paploviante-cyclone-open-collab-meezerpocalypse-haboob-remix

Satchel Paige

.....because I'm so fucking clever!

I know you're there meez, you can't ignore me forever!

meezer

Quote from: Satchel Paige on March 15, 2015, 01:30:55 PM
.....because I'm so fucking clever!

I know you're there meez, you can't ignore me forever!
Geez! Posty McPosterson!  :x

You're a GENIUS! :o

"Get off of our stage. If you want on this stage, get in show business." -King Buzzo
"Yeah, we don't come in the 7-11 where you work and get up on the counter." -Mark D
https://soundcloud.com/meezerpocalypse/nathalie-b20-driving-force-paploviante-cyclone-open-collab-meezerpocalypse-haboob-remix

Satchel Paige


meezer

Quote from: Satchel Paige on March 15, 2015, 01:37:38 PM
Gotta milk this shit.
Gonna catch up to you...
Texas Thread Killer, indeed. I look forward to hearing about your batting cage and pizza party glory with the one and only Dave Grover.  :P
"Get off of our stage. If you want on this stage, get in show business." -King Buzzo
"Yeah, we don't come in the 7-11 where you work and get up on the counter." -Mark D
https://soundcloud.com/meezerpocalypse/nathalie-b20-driving-force-paploviante-cyclone-open-collab-meezerpocalypse-haboob-remix

Sludgebaby

Quote from: meezer on March 15, 2015, 01:45:27 PM
Quote from: Satchel Paige on March 15, 2015, 01:37:38 PM
Gotta milk this shit.
Gonna catch up to you...
Texas Thread Killer, indeed. I look forward to hearing about your batting cage and pizza party glory with the one and only Dave Grover.  :P

Dale Grover?

My favorite thing about Melvins is the goofy personality | These guys suck and Buzz is a pretentious hipster dork | This sounds nothing like Metallica. | Dales Dad was a drum, its in his blood. | King Buzzo's hair probably holds a lotta secrets | what the fuck is a stee? | Melvins as a way of life

Chief Ten Beers

Just pitched in 8). Went for the T-shirt/DVD dealio.
The list of musicians you guys tracked down is impressive, you should also track down the guys from Clutch & Primus. They'd be great interviews. On the other hand, am I the only one who wants to see some people interviewed who might have bad things to say about the Melvins, just to make it more interesting?  I'm thinking along the lines of:

Courtney
Joey Shithead
Zakk Wylde
Steve Albini
Steve Vai (though he's such a nice guy, I doubt he'd have a bad word to say)
Greg Ginn
Perry Farrell


Uncle Danny


DC

You won't be seeing a dime from me, the lighting in that video is poor (might as well point the camera at your chili ring) and I don't like the timbre of Coadys voice. Also, he drums left handed, that's not how God intended it.

I'll be in my prayer booth.