The Colossus of Destiny: A Melvins Tale

[Idlehanz]

Wow, this blew up.

I split my head open above my right eye a few days ago and have been in bed since.  But I've seen this thread growing.

So I'm going to respond to a few things I've read. 

Ian, you are one of two things.  Either the best troll an internet forum has ever seen, or a miserable cunt. If you're trolling, then congrats, you've duped us all.  If this is the real you, I'd just like to say, go fuck yourself. You actually had the gall to come into this thread at one point and complain that people were talking about the movie.

I can't be bothered to read everything you've typed because I just don't give that much of a shit, but, the fact that you didn't contribute to the movie, shit talked it, and watched it for free (and laughed about it) makes you a cunt. I've worked on this movie since June of 2012.  Bob has worked on it just as long.  We spent our own money getting this off the ground.  We spend weekends, vacation time, and after work hours working on this.  We put ALL of our time for years into it.  YOU did nothing but bitch and complain, watched it illegally, and laughed about it.  And for that, again, I say fuck you. You, and people like you are taking money out of my pocket, Bob's pocket, and the band's pocket.  Try to justify it however you want, you're a cunt.  Fuck you.  If I didn't make it clear enough, FUCK YOU.

On to other things......

We are fully aware that it's going to be pirated and there isn't anything we can do about that.  BUT, I will fight every fucking youtube link and illegal stream I find because I worked on this thing for 5+ fucking years and I have earned every fucking penny that comes to me.

There's some sound issues.  We all know it.  When Bob and I first started, we knew fuck-all about making a film.  We didn't know how to properly mic someone.  We didn't know an overhead fan we could barely hear would be picked up so well by a lav mic.  We weren't professionals.  Still aren't!  We did the best we could and paid people to make it better.  It's not perfect, but I guarantee its WAY better than what we originally had.  Anyone who was at the first few viewings can attest to that.

H.A.T.

Fuck, we did kind of skip that didn't we?  It wasn't on purpose.  And we did reach out to Adam Jones but he declined.  There's a lot of people we reached out to who declined.  It wasn't that they didn't want to talk Melvins, but they just didn't want to do an interview. 

To those of you defending us, thank you.  And as far as some of the criticisms, thank you. There's such a thing as constructive criticism. If I or Bob ever do another film, we will know what to work on, what to spend more time on, and what parts need a little more finessing.  I don't think anyone realizes that this was made by two fans.  Not film-makers, fans.  Neither of us went to school for this.  Neither of us come from a film-making background.  We got no backing from any company.  We bought the equipment, learned how to use it, made calls, made plans, bought flights, rented cars, rented hotels, slept on floors, slept in the car, had our ladies mad at us, missed out on hanging with friends, and generally devoted five years each our life to this. This was a literal labor of love, made by two guys who fucking adore the Melvins. And two guys who wanted them to get the respect they deserve.  It was worth it. We have a 2 hour film that I am extremely proud of.  We have hours of concert and bonus footage I am extremely proud of.  I have my name on a piece of art that I am extremely proud of.  On the flip side, if you don't feel like that is worth anything to you, if you haven't contributed a god damned thing to the band, and if you just want to sit back and shrug your shoulders in your little black hole of existence and pretend that you are a fan, then by all means go ahead.  I know what you really are.

[GiveMe45]

I really wish Grohl would have participated.  Buzz got him his fucking star in life but oh well.  For those of us fortunate enough to get the Basses Loaded bundle that came with the book, Buzz makes his feelings pretty clear.

[John Schuller]

2.  Where was Dave (I'm in every documentary) Grohl???  I was disappointed.   

Ah come on!  I'd rather see Gene Simmons talk Melvins than Dave Grohl!

THIS!!!!!!!

[John Schuller]

Wow, this blew up.

I split my head open above my right eye a few days ago and have been in bed since.  But I've seen this thread growing.

So I'm going to respond to a few things I've read. 

Ian, you are one of two things.  Either the best troll an internet forum has ever seen, or a miserable cunt. If you're trolling, then congrats, you've duped us all.  If this is the real you, I'd just like to say, go fuck yourself. You actually had the gall to come into this thread at one point and complain that people were talking about the movie.

I can't be bothered to read everything you've typed because I just don't give that much of a shit, but, the fact that you didn't contribute to the movie, shit talked it, and watched it for free (and laughed about it) makes you a cunt. I've worked on this movie since June of 2012.  Bob has worked on it just as long.  We spent our own money getting this off the ground.  We spend weekends, vacation time, and after work hours working on this.  We put ALL of our time for years into it.  YOU did nothing but bitch and complain, watched it illegally, and laughed about it.  And for that, again, I say fuck you. You, and people like you are taking money out of my pocket, Bob's pocket, and the band's pocket.  Try to justify it however you want, you're a cunt.  Fuck you.  If I didn't make it clear enough, FUCK YOU.

On to other things......

We are fully aware that it's going to be pirated and there isn't anything we can do about that.  BUT, I will fight every fucking youtube link and illegal stream I find because I worked on this thing for 5+ fucking years and I have earned every fucking penny that comes to me.

There's some sound issues.  We all know it.  When Bob and I first started, we knew fuck-all about making a film.  We didn't know how to properly mic someone.  We didn't know an overhead fan we could barely hear would be picked up so well by a lav mic.  We weren't professionals.  Still aren't!  We did the best we could and paid people to make it better.  It's not perfect, but I guarantee its WAY better than what we originally had.  Anyone who was at the first few viewings can attest to that.

H.A.T.

Fuck, we did kind of skip that didn't we?  It wasn't on purpose.  And we did reach out to Adam Jones but he declined.  There's a lot of people we reached out to who declined.  It wasn't that they didn't want to talk Melvins, but they just didn't want to do an interview. 

To those of you defending us, thank you.  And as far as some of the criticisms, thank you. There's such a thing as constructive criticism. If I or Bob ever do another film, we will know what to work on, what to spend more time on, and what parts need a little more finessing.  I don't think anyone realizes that this was made by two fans.  Not film-makers, fans.  Neither of us went to school for this.  Neither of us come from a film-making background.  We got no backing from any company.  We bought the equipment, learned how to use it, made calls, made plans, bought flights, rented cars, rented hotels, slept on floors, slept in the car, had our ladies mad at us, missed out on hanging with friends, and generally devoted five years each our life to this. This was a literal labor of love, made by two guys who fucking adore the Melvins. And two guys who wanted them to get the respect they deserve.  It was worth it. We have a 2 hour film that I am extremely proud of.  We have hours of concert and bonus footage I am extremely proud of.  I have my name on a piece of art that I am extremely proud of.  On the flip side, if you don't feel like that is worth anything to you, if you haven't contributed a god damned thing to the band, and if you just want to sit back and shrug your shoulders in your little black hole of existence and pretend that you are a fan, then by all means go ahead.  I know what you really are.

BAM![/size][/color][/font]

[Mints]

Well said, Idlehanz. I can't join you in the "fuck you, Ian" part - he truly doesn't know what he's doing -but I totally understand your sentiment. The film is a labour of love by two huge fans, not an attempt at an Oscar. That being said, you guys did a great job and everyone knows it. I'm very happy to have contributed even a meager amount.  All of the coulda/woulda/shoulda shit has no place and no merit. It's strange that the voices of the socially retarded are often the loudest and provoke the strongest reactions when they should be rightfully ignored.

[))))((((]

I've said it before and i'll say it again - you guys have some crazy, cherry-picked logic. Also the tendency towards exaggeration and anger has been amazing/perplexing to observe. A strange bunch indeed. "Quick to judge, quick to anger, slow to understand."

[John Schuller]

I think Idlehandz is spot on. Ian is a master troll, using his trolling powers in the wrong place against the wrong people. I mean, he is REALLY good at it. Right down to his latest response where he comes out trying to gaslight everyone with his "Wow, you all have some wacky logic" technique. Ian - I do not have a stake in this game other than: 1) I like the movie 2) I helped Kickstart the movie 3) I know Idlehandz personally and know him to be a straight up great guy who was very passionate about a project that took a massive shit load of energy, time and money. He took a huge risk in many ways - imagine if the movie would have SUCKED? (I have another friend that recently completed a kickstarter documentary film on a band he loved. And well, let's just say it was a stinker). This movie is his baby, and one thing you do not do is fuck with a dude's kid.

I am sure that you are a cool dude to hang with when you are not behind the keyboard using your trolling powers for evil, Ian. I mean, you listen to the Melvins which means that you can't be all bad. I suggest trolling for good instead of evil. I do this quite often - troll the enemy, troll the trolls who troll for evil. It is a bigger challenge, much more rewarding and can be fun as hell. Anyone that has been friends with me on Facebook as most likely seen me do this.

Let's get this thread back on track. People are receiving the DVDs - the movie that 99.9% of us has been waiting for is now OUT! I hope they keep filming and interviewing over the next 35 years so we can get a Part 2!

[))))((((]

I must say, i do appreciate that mature post Sadcorps even if we do see differently. Outside of a few responses here the majority of exchanges have been conducted far from a civilized manner. When people start throwing out the "fuck yous" and "fuck offs" and other insults, that tells me a hell of a lot about those people. I will never respond the same way to others so i do appreciate a well written, mostly well meaning response as you have provided.

Funnily enough i actually agree with you on much of that you wrote. I KNOW Idle (and Bob) spent a great many days, hours etc on their efforts. I know it was/is their "baby" in a way too. Despite what anyone might think i respect that truly. Im not a troll though. Well....not intentionally anyway. Sure it seems (and this isn't isolated just to the movie) that many views and opinions i have are not exactly echoed among the rest of the participants here. That's cool. I don't expect everyone to see things the same. I wish others would allow me the same level of leeway at times.

[crushr24]

I mean, that's the nature of the internet beast.  Even Buzz addresses the issue in Idle's flick.  There's a ton of Melvins' fans that collect and will have to own everything.  But I think it's the people that actually upload the content to the internet that should be shamed.  Fans in this type of genre are as sarcastic as they come, Ian being no different and that's punk rock for ya.  Remember, tough love is still love. 

[Stonergrunge]

argh, now I really want to buy the Blu-ray/DVD set (even if it doesn't play in my old-as-fuck BR player) available at the revolve merchandise website but DAMN IT! there are too many things I want to buy first and money is always an obstacle. I still need stuff from Tsunamis, Gay Witch Abortion (I know they have "a couple of things" prepared for this month), Yajaira, Uncle Acid & The Deadbeats, Gary Baseman, Chet Zar, Minichamps and so on... Maybe I will send Idlehanz a pm asking for the movie in a not-too-distant-future but I can't do it now. It sucks not to be wealthy.

[deatheats]

Let's get this thread back on track. People are receiving the DVDs - the movie that 99.9% of us has been waiting for is now OUT! I hope they keep filming and interviewing over the next 35 years so we can get a Part 2!

I still remember how I couldn't stop smiling when we went to the opening!
Fucking awesome to see this made when no one else was willing\able to do so!

[BERZERKER]

My 2 cents is that some chaps here go way over line intheir attacks on Ian, way over. It would have really nagged my conscience if I had come with a tirade against someone that hadn't hurt me directly. Some of the attackers suprise me, cause normally they are fine lads, with others it's more like here we go again. Like shooting fish in a barrell to attack Ian now, have som pride and decensy folks. There are people here who still loves Ian, Let it be.

[bUTTHOLEmAN]

Please use the following thread for discussions about pirating/Ian/tangential subjects related to the Melvins documentary.
http://www.themelvins.net/forum/index.php?topic=21763.msg605423#msg605423

[Dumpster D]

I still haven't seen the film, Looking forward to it. 

[cantona]

Ok, enough with this shit already. Some people have nothing better to do in life than express their meaningless opinions from behind their modern day typewriters, it's the way of the world. And it sure as hell is easier doing that than spending 7 years of your time being creative and pursuing a goal of making a film about a band they admire. Because that's just what myself and Ryan did, and we are both very proud of the finished product. Sure, there are technical issues in there, there are people missing that we would have liked to have had a presence in it, and there just isn't enough time in the world to cover every aspect in detail of the band's history. But you can't ever win in this modern age, the typewriters start a tapping and there you have the views both praising or criticizing your beloved work. We get that, and there's nothing you can do about it. We also understand that once your product goes out into cyberland, pretty soon it will end up being copied and people will get to watch it for free. If it ends up on a torrent page then there is nothing at all you can do about it. The issue that started this little feisty debate was someone saying they had seen it on youtube, sorry let me read the correct quote (on YouTube ha!). Why the typewriter just had to add in the little cackle after the wording i have no idea. And there is where you crossed the line Mr. or Mrs. ()()((((()))))) or whatever the hell your typewriter code wording identity is. You were rubbing salt in the little wound weren't you? And Ryan simply asked you, quote - PM me a link? Because his first instinct was, damn it, the film is on youtube, we have to get it taken down. And he did ask in a decent way, but got no response. So here lies your problem )()((()((() which you have never gone back and thought about and typed, yeah maybe i came across as a smug arsehole right there. But then why would you? I remember reading little things here and there over the past couple of years from behind your typewriter regarding this project. Unimpressive little things to say the least. But we get it. You have opinions, and unfortunately in this day and age, they are able to be heard by a few dozen people. I'm sure you have a much more interesting life than i will ever have, and i am so jealous of you. Please send over some links to your creative output as i am very looking forward to seeing them. And maybe, just maybe, if i have an opinion, i might just keep it to myself.
We made this film because no one else could be bothered. We love it. The band loves it. A very, very large percentage of people who have seen it love it. We want more people to see it and love it. We would prefer that all people paid to see it, but that is impossible. And we can accept criticism, hard as it is. But when someone comes along all smug like this, i just have to say, go ahead, try and do something to match what we have done, impress me, show us what you got.
And if you can't, then go get a life you worthless piece of shit (HA!)
Case closed.
Let's move on people, and forget the bitchers and celebrate The Melvins.