Shit! I just coughed!
And farted at the same time right? 
sneezed.
And farted while you were sneezing.
nah, it was more a shit than a fart.
A shart shall we say?
I suppose we're gonna have to ... dude why are you so obsessed with the hot winds of flatulence? I mean I can see being "interested" but it appears you have a much deeper interest than simply being "interested". A strange predilection to be sure ... and while I totally support and endorse your "interest" as it were ... I myself am not nearly as engrossed by the topic. So a shart it is ... and we'll just leave it at that.
If you cough, sneeze and fart at the same time you will die.
if this is true I have some very disturbing news. Feltch is a ZOMBIE!!!
No it's not true ... I am living proof.
I know you desperately need find some explanation to account for this freak of nature you call Feltch ... however, I believe the answers you seek lie rather in empirical fact and science ... not superstition, fear, and hysteria. I know I'm getting all agent Scully about things here ... but really Mulder just listen to yourself.