Clubbing with King Buzzo

[rimb]

http://theechola.tumblr.com/post/88392543393/clubbing-with-king-buzzo

King Buzzo (Buzz from The Melvins) takes on The Echo tomorrow evening, and in preparation, he’s graced us with these STELLAR golf tips (he’s an avid golfer).  Please do read to the end.

1. NEVER let anyone give you golf “advice” while out on the course because they’re intentionally trying to screw you up. This is especially true if you happen to have money riding on the match. Fuck that. Work on your horrible swing after the round and don’t let these assholes get into your head. Golf’s hard enough as it is and busy body crap like this only makes your shitty round even shittier.

2. Golf carts are for cripples and old women and should be avoided at all costs. I HATE golf carts. Some courses don’t even allow you to walk which is total bullshit. I’m a musician which means I’m a person of the great indoors so I NEED to walk a golf course as many times a week as is possible just to keep my head straight. If your under 85 and you don’t have a pair of light bulbs for knees then get off your fucking ass and WALK!

3. Remember, you’re not good enough to get mad. Unless your like a +3 then you just end up looking like a fucking dick head by cussing and screaming and throwing clubs around. No one, me included thinks this is cool. It’s funnier than shit but it’s not cool. Ok ok, throwing clubs IS kinda cool and the best advice I have for tossing clubs is to helicopter them as far as you can and try to bounce em off a tree. Remember, if you toss a club and it breaks just leave it where it is. One of the groups behind you will get a good laugh when they find it. I LOVE finding broken clubs. The funniest of them all is finding broken putters. Ha!

4. Don’t worry about being a hack out on the golf course. EVERYBODY makes horrible shots sooner or later and everybody who plays golf knows this and they expect it. I’m a hack golfer and I couldn’t care less about having a crappy round or looking stupid in front of a bunch of people I don’t know, in fact looking stupid in front of strangers is how I make a living. What pisses me and every other golfer I know who gives a fuck about the game off is hack golfers who play slow. There’s nothing worse than bad golfers who insist on making you wait. I’m always amazed when I see a father out on the course teaching his kid how to golf while you sit behind them like an idiot. I can almost hear big daddy telling his kid “the lesson today son is it’s OK for you to make people wait.” Usually these geniuses are too stupid to let you play through and besides, playing through is sometimes followed by you playing REALLY bad as a result of now being rushed. Fuck that. If you’re just starting out then do whatever it takes to keep up even if it means using your foot or hand wedge to move play along. Hell, I’ve seen hand wedges hit the ball as far as forty yards.

5. Whenever you hear “fore” out on the course QUICKLY hide your head. Chances are some dumb ass has waited until the last second to finally warn you that you’re about to get drilled in the face with a golf ball going 75 miles an hour. Weirdly whenever you hear fore on the golf course the tendency is to look TOWARDS wherever the warning is coming from. I can’t explain it but it’s true and I catch myself stupidly doing it all the time. Maybe I WANT to get hit right in the grill. Who knows. Golf is a weird game designed for freaks and social outcasts. Most of the guys I play with have nothing to do with music and stare at me like I’m Charles Manson. There’s the wise cracking animator from Disney, the 100 pound ex crystal meth head, a host of golf cheat Mexican illegal aliens, a vacuum cleaner salesmen, a punk ass 11th grader who hits the ball 320 yards and a wide variety of country club type golf hustlers all willing to get up at the crack of dawn and assemble at some municipal course in the greater Los Angeles area.
Life is beautiful and the streets are paved with gold.

[Mount Ambulance]

opening this thread I was expecting to see a pic of Buzz all spaced on E chomping on a glow stick ...

still it was a good read all the same.

[Captain CoryCory]

BUZZO VS. COOPER. CELEBRITY GOLF MATCH.

NEEDS TO HAPPEN.

[Buzzinthebox]

This is all too true and too funny thank you for posting this

[rimb]

BUZZO VS. COOPER. CELEBRITY GOLF MATCH.

NEEDS TO HAPPEN.

ABSOLUTELY YES.

[glen]

I heard from someone who plays golf with Buzz that he's a pretty good golfer.   so don't buy that "hack" shit. it's all part of the hustle.

[meezer]

I'm really happy for Buzz, that he has this activity to enjoy.
But I can't stand golf. At all. It just couldn't suck any worse in my opinion.
Sometimes, it pays my bills. So I try to just watch the people play it,
try to understand the appeal of it. I just can't.

[glen]

I can't stand golf. At all. It just couldn't suck any worse

interpretation:  meezer sucks at golf

it's ok.  I can't stand golf either.   

plus shit is EXPENSIVE.   

[ilduclo]

[bUTTHOLEmAN]

opening this thread I was expecting to see a pic of Buzz all spaced on E chomping on a glow stick ...

still it was a good read all the same.

[glen]

 

the least you could have done is made him NOT look like Dorf on Golf.  hey wait.. Dorf!  Golf!  I see the connection now!  nice work bUTTHOLE.

[meezer]

opening this thread I was expecting to see a pic of Buzz all spaced on E chomping on a glow stick ...

still it was a good read all the same.

He's really into it! 

[glen]

He's really into it! 

shit dude, he's waxed on E.  what do you expect?

[bUTTHOLEmAN]

the least you could have done is made him NOT look like Dorf on Golf.  hey wait.. Dorf!  Golf!  I see the connection now!  nice work bUTTHOLE.

  Yep.  I meant for that connection to be there.

[Mount Ambulance]

opening this thread I was expecting to see a pic of Buzz all spaced on E chomping on a glow stick ...

still it was a good read all the same.

Thank You ... man, look at that expression ... a head full of E and ready for the group grope!