As I was perusing the newest issue of my local College Times, I turned the page to see to my sweet surprise an interview with King Buzzo. The interview itself has absolutely nothing to do with Buzz or the Melvins, although they did print a nice pic of them, it's actually a pseudo interview with Kip Winger.
Here it is as it was written:
Three Questions as Kip
When 80's hair metal heartthrob Kip Winger blew us off for an interview because he was on "vocal lockdown", we didn't want to see the questions we've prepared go to waste. So ever since, we've asked all the musicians we've interviewed if they'd be willing to get into character and answer "Three questions as Kip". Playing the role of Kip Winger this week will be Melvins frontman Buzz Osborne.
CT: We've already seen disco and 80's synth pop make comebacks. Do you think a hair metal renaissance is right around the corner?
B as K: It better be, because I've got a huge mortgage. And I just got divorced. I don't know how the hell I'm gonna make these child support payments without a resurgence. Hair metal's comin' back, man, I guarantee it.
CT: Can you let our readers in on your secret to maintaining the perfect 5 o'clock shadow?
B as K: Just never shave. Actually, mine's fake. I had them installed. I had all of them removed and then little tiny fake ones installed so it looks like i never shave. Plus, it seems relatively obvious that I am gay, and so I'm trying to make it where the 5 o'clock shadow makes it look like I'm at least a little masculine.
CT: What have you been up to for the last 15 years?
B as K: I've been doing huge stacks of blow for 15 years, and when wondering why my career fell apart.
