interview from july 1.

[klump]

http://www.metal-invader.com/interviews/melvins-2006-07-01/interview.php

Melvins - Live Goat
Saturday, 01 July 2006
Interviewed By Vaggelis Evaggelou

In a sense, MELVINS are the perfect band. They are experienced musicians since they've been around for more than 20 years, they have faithful fans, they've released dozens of albums, EPs, 7"s etc. so no matter how many MELVINS records you own, there will be always another "Holy Grail" for you to look for, some of their members play in FANTOMAS, their steps from album to album are unpredictable and most important of all, they don't give bullshit answers in interviews because they're professionals and understand the significance of a proper promotional strategy for their work. In the following interview Buzz Osborne (vocals, guitar) answers to questions you always wanted to ask, questions that cover important issues like philosophy, religion, art and human relationships.

M.I: Interviews through email suck, don't they? Maybe it's your neighbourhood cleric or something in front of the screen answering my questions instead of you. How can I be sure it's the real MELVINS?
Do these sort of interviews suck? I suppose but who knows really? I could be and will be telling you all sorts of bullshit but I could and would be doing that even if you were talking to me in person. Almost every interview I've ever done has been nothing but complete bullshit. Except for that last sentence.

M.I: I read in an older interview that you are into Cryptozoology (M.I: the study of animals and organisms that don't exist, don't tell me you didn't know what that was!). What's the most fascinating cryptozoon?
The fact that we know very little about anything around us. Our whole world is a mystery. Most people think they KNOW everything. Some people even think we now control the weather. How stupid can they be?

M.I: How difficult was it convincing Trevor Dunn (MR. BUNGLE, FANTOMAS) to join you for the recording of "Houdini Live"?
Trevor likes us and was happy to do it.

M.I: "Houdini Live" was made under time pressure. Are you satisfied with it or do you think you could do it better if you had more time?
Made under "time pressure"? What does that even mean? It sounds to me like YOU are the one who's not "satisfied" with our new "Houdini" record. I think it's super cool and groovy.

M.I: Recently "We Reach: The Music Of The Melvins", your very own tribute album, was released. Did you like the result? What's your favourite cover on the record?
I have yet to even hear a single song on it. I did hear MASTODON do "The Bit" live once though and I thought it sounded great.

M.I: Don't you love the voice of Julie Xmas (MADE OUT OF BABIES)?
Never heard of her.

M.I: The necessary question about future plans: New MELVINS album? When? How will it sound? Any album plans from your other bands?
We will begin recording a new record with the Big Biz guys on July 1st and it will sound really really cool. Right now there are NO plans for a new FANTOMAS record; in fact I don't think Mike's even written a single song for it.

M.I: Why should someone listen to the MELVINS? What was/is/will be your gift to humanity after more than 20 years of existence?
Why should someone read your magazine? I have no "gift to humanity". If I could come up with a gift to humanity and it could be anything I wanted then I'd make a disease that you get from NOT having sex. Reverse AIDS for the masses.

M.I: What's your favourite MELVINS song and album?
"Teresa screams" and "Colossus of Destiny" " (M.I: the first one is a track without music from a MELVINS 7"released in 1996. It's just girls screaming for the band. The second is an album released in 2001 including a 59 minute song full of loops, noise experimentations and things like that).

M.I: Lots of reunions these days. Are they pointless or are some of them useful for the greater good? Did you listen to the new CELTIC FROST album?
I don't mind reunion tours because I most likely wouldn't go anyway. I did go see CREAM last year and I really enjoyed that. I haven't heard the new CELTIC FROST album but I did see them 20 years ago. They were.... OK I guess.

M.I: Do you like SUNNO)))? What about THRONES?
I've never heard SUNNO))) and believe it or not, I don't spend a lot of time listening to the THRONES.

M.I: MELVINS CDs are pretty pricey in record stores of my country. May I download your discography or should I rather move to the U.S.?
You should move to the U.S. no matter how expensive CD's are. Stop drinking beer and smoking pot for a month or two and you would have plenty of cash for CD's. It's funny that you never hear people bitch about how much cigarettes beer or drugs cost, just CD's. Go figure.

M.I: Name the best and the worst band you think you've been an influence for.
MOTLEY CRUE and GREEN DAY.

M.I: In my info-searching orgy about MELVINS I read about the existence of "MELVINS super fans". I didn't really understand what the definition of a "MELVINS super fan" is. It's like having all things you guys ever released or is it something beyond commodity fetishism?
I don't even really get what it is you are asking so I'll just say that a "MELVINS super fan" is someone who lets me rape their sister.

M.I: Now this was a surprise. How did it come to adding BIG BUSINESS to your line-up?
We just figured "why not?". So far so good.

M.I: How much money do you make from record sales?
I've made at least 30 million dollars off of each and every record I've put out, including FANTOMAS.

M.I: ANAL CUNT has a song entitled "When I think of true punk rock bands, I think of NIRVANA and the MELVINS". Your comments?
As well they should. When I think of "true punk rock bands" I DON'T think of ANAL CUNT. I wonder if ANAL CUNT have ever heard NAPALM DEATH...? I doubt it.

M.I: Are you still on tour as FANTOMAS/MELVINS BIG BAND? How are the shows until now? Any weird incidents?
Everything is a weird incident when it comes to those fucking bastards. I hate them all and I hope I never set eyes on them again. Except for Dave Lombardo. Me and Dave are pals. I even baby-sit his fucking kids! (M.I: my kingdom for a video of Buzz playing with Lombardo's kids)

M.I: Describe the following people using three words for each of them: Jello Biafra, Mike Patton, Trevor Dunn.
Big Fat Idiot for all of them.

M.I: When will you stop making music and playing shows?
Never.

M.I: Did you like my questions?
Not really, you seem like a smart ass.

M.I: Thanx for your time. End interview with a cool sentence.
Metal Hammer is fucking sweet.

[klump]

some of those answers are really "Homer"

[anaconda]

i get the feeling that all these web interviews make roger cranky.

[(PAUL)]

You read it here Melvins super fans: Buzz wants to rape your sister.

[mopafeena]

Thanks Klump.

[glen]

man, that went sour.   it seems if you're planning on interviewing buzz you better have your A game.   don't try to be witty and don't try to push his buttons.  it just doesn't work on your end.
respect, intelligence and melvins-history knowledge are a must.

you're not going to out-cute and out-wit buzzy, the grandmastrer himself. so just handle your end.  he'll handle his.

[greenguy]

man, that went sour.   it seems if you're planning on interviewing buzz you better have your A game.   don't try to be witty and don't try to push his buttons.  it just doesn't work on your end.
respect, intelligence and melvins-history knowledge are a must.

you're not going to out-cute and out-wit buzzy, the grandmastrer himself. so just handle your end.  he'll handle his.

Also if you are going to interview the Melvins, (ahem Vinney!)  RELEASE THE FUCKER!!!!

[Mad Arab]

Where is Vinman anyway? On a unpaid sabbatical?

[(PAUL)]

man, that went sour.

[GrimReaper]

M.I: Why should someone listen to the MELVINS? What was/is/will be your gift to humanity after more than 20 years of existence?
Why should someone read your magazine? I have no "gift to humanity". If I could come up with a gift to humanity and it could be anything I wanted then I'd make a disease that you get from NOT having sex. Reverse AIDS for the masses.

God Bless him.

[Fast and Bulbous]

"Our whole world is a mystery. Most people think they KNOW everything. Some people even think we now control the weather. How stupid can they be?"

Does King Buzzo not believe in Global Warming?

[anaconda]

I get the impression from that statement that he DOES believe in global warming.

[Vcavallo]

"Our whole world is a mystery. Most people think they KNOW everything. Some people even think we now control the weather. How stupid can they be?"

Does King Buzzo not believe in Global Warming?

i can really see it either way. 

1.  some people think we will have the power to cool it off around here: so global warming is real, and idiots think it isn't a problem
2.  some people think we have the power to make it hotter around here: idiots think we are causing global warming, which is untrue.

I side with Mr.Gore, and i have serious contempt for anyone who doesn't.  Unwavering contempt.  if my best friend told me he didn't believe in global warming and isn't going to do anything about it,  i'd tell him he is an ignorant moron.  we'd still be friends, but i'd think he's an ass.

[norecess]

I think he means your second thought, and how can you not believe in global warming? I mean, even in Holland it was fucking hot the last few weeks, although it's raining cats and dogs now again.

[FartLips]

"Our whole world is a mystery. Most people think they KNOW everything. Some people even think we now control the weather. How stupid can they be?"

Does King Buzzo not believe in Global Warming?

i can really see it either way.