rate the records

[Honkie]

I dont even really like the melvins, I mostly use their cds as beermats and to have under wobbly tables.

Who are these melvins everybody keeps talking about??

[bUTTHOLEmAN]

I dont even really like the melvins, I mostly use their cds as beermats and to have under wobbly tables.

Who are these melvins everybody keeps talking about??

they tour with the blue notes often.  When you buy their albums, tell the clerk you want the melvins albums with the blue notes.

[bUTTHOLEmAN]

Mangled Demos from 1983: great
10 Songs / 26 Songs: great
Gluey Porch Treatments: great
Ozma: okay
Your Choice Live Series: alright
Bullhead: Excellent
Eggnog: Excellent
King Buzzo: 
Dale Crover:
Joe Preston: 
Lysol: Excellent
Houdini: good
Prick: 
Stoner Witch: Excellent
Stag:Excellent
Honky: bleeorgh
Singles 1-12: not great as an album
Alive at the Fucker Club: 
The Maggot: good
The Bootlicker: good
The Crybaby: good
Colossus of Destiny: Excellent
Electroretard: not great as an album
Millennium Monsterwork: 
Hostile Ambient Takeover: good
Pigs of the Roman Empire: 
Never Breathe What You Can't See:
Sieg Howdy!: Excellent
A Live History of Gluttony and Lust: 
(A) Senile Animal:  Excellent

[5w33t 1ntu1t10n]

In order of my preferrence......My top 5 list:

1) Houdini and/or History of Gluttony and Lust (Love the mix of songs, not one is the same as the other, love the live album more, I always judge a band by their live performances)
2) (A) Senile Animal (Love it!  Have to listen to it everyday, can't get enough of the duel drumming)
3) Eggnog (an Oldie but Goodie, love the heaviness, but I wish the album was longer)
4) Ozma/GPT (Great intro to the Melvins, gives a good idea of how simply incredible they are!)
5) Lysol (Love the cover art, and BODF nearly brings me to tears)

[rictus]

Honky: bleeorgh

Is bleeorgh good or bad? I noticed there's quite a few you didn't rank, is that cuz' you haven't
heard them yet?

[heavyR]

Mangled Demos from 1983: 3/5
10 Songs / 26 Songs: 2/5 (haven't listened to nearly enough though)
Gluey Porch Treatments: 4/5
Ozma: 4/5
Your Choice Live Series: 3.5/5
Bullhead: 5/5
Eggnog: 5/5
King Buzzo: 3/5 (was gonna be a 2.5, but Skeeter bumped it up)
Dale Crover: 3/5
Joe Preston: 2.5/5
Lysol: 5/5
Houdini: 3.5/5
Prick: 2/5
Stoner Witch: 5/5
Stag: 5/5
Honky: 5/5
Singles 1-12: 2.5/5
Alive at the Fucker Club: 4/5
The Maggot: 5/5
The Bootlicker: 5/5
The Crybaby: 5/5
Colossus of Destiny: (have yet to listen to, I know I know)
Electroretard: 3.5/5
Millennium Monsterwork: 4/5
Hostile Ambient Takeover: 5.5/5
Pigs of the Roman Empire: 4/5
Never Breathe What You Can't See: 5/5
Sieg Howdy!: 4/5
A Live History of Gluttony and Lust: 5/5
(A) Senile Animal: 4.5/5

[bathroom creep]

Hostile Ambient Takeover: 5.5/5

agreed!

[bUTTHOLEmAN]

Mangled Demos from 1983: great
10 Songs / 26 Songs: great
Gluey Porch Treatments: great
Ozma: okay
Your Choice Live Series: alright
Bullhead: Excellent
Eggnog: Excellent
King Buzzo: 
Dale Crover:
Joe Preston: 
Lysol: Excellent
Houdini: good
Prick: 
Stoner Witch: Excellent
Stag:Excellent
Honky: bleeorgh
Singles 1-12: not great as an album
Alive at the Fucker Club: 
The Maggot: good
The Bootlicker: good
The Crybaby: good
Colossus of Destiny: Excellent
Electroretard: not great as an album
Millennium Monsterwork: 
Hostile Ambient Takeover: good
Pigs of the Roman Empire: 
Never Breathe What You Can't See:
Sieg Howdy!: Excellent
A Live History of Gluttony and Lust: 
(A) Senile Animal:  Excellent

The blanks are not determined yet.  For example, I listened to the solo series when it came out via a mix tape with bullhead on the flipside, sent from someone in Iowa, but the only thing I remember is the Dave Grohl Lint story.  So they get a pass; but that's really no review.  Sieg Howdy is strange in that I listen to it a lot more than I thought I would.  It makes me remember when the dead kennedys reformed; I saw one of the first shows with the kid actor singing; I didn't even realize the guitarist when he passed me in the bathroom..he was probably one of the older people there that night.
I'd have to say though that I wholly prefer their live shows to the actual albums..except maybe bullhead..or senile animal.

[anaconda]

[bUTTHOLEmAN]

Oh yah snootchies, send me that when you send me yar tapes.  AHOY!

[Rene They Call Him]

Mangled Demos from 1983: ***

(Not enough for any detail,  I haven't heard this one in quite a while as I no longer have it)

10 Songs / 26 Songs: ****

    The classic combination of abstract noise rock and metal.  What always strikes me about it is how at the same time, it's so solidified and solid, and shows so much potential and expansion "Easy as it Was," "Disinvite" "Grinding Process*.  Everything that makes the Melvins is there, in it's rawest and most abstract form.

Gluey Porch Treatments: ****

     Still the iron skeleton of the monstrosity that the Melvins were to become, but here in it's full, abstract glory.  The crown of it, is "Eye Flys," where the iron skelton threatens to collapse in order to devour the listener.


Ozma: ***1/2

     I don't know what it is, but although great, it just seems a bit. . .dulled, compared to GPT.   Normally a big fan of sludge, no matter how much it seems to gum the gears, but I think some of the previous energy is missing.  Still some great songs, "Dead Dressed" my unlikely fave.

Your Choice Live Series: ***

    A lot of people turn their nose up at this one, but I've always thought it was at least a workable live album.

Bullhead:****1/2

     The very first time I rented a U-Haul, I nicknamed it "Boris."   Their darkest and creepiest one yet, combining the power of GPT with the sludgy, looming weight of Ozma.   Lots of nods towards possession and multiple personalities as Buzz starts to get more obscure with the imagery.  The "smartest" of the early albums too.   Besides the aforementioned "Boris," "Anaconda" is the greatest metal hit ever in another dimension, and "If I Had An Exorcism" is dark experimental brilliance.

Eggnog:*****

     The Melvins come in, strike fast, strike hard, and take no prisoners.  With absolutely no low points on the album, "Wispy" "Antitoxidote" and "Hogleg" respectively shatter, tear, and shred all signs of civilization and reality foolish enough to stand against them.  Then the Melvins call in "Charmicarmicat" as an earthmover to bury the wreckage in alluvial soil.  Pure serrated brainmelt.

King Buzzo:****1/2

      All hail the king, his is the smartest, artiest, of the three, all built around the colossal, heart-breaking "Annum."

Dale Crover:****1/2

      Quite a surprise.  Crover provides fuzzy grunge-blues played in a smoky post-apocalyptic bar. . . assuming the apocalypse happened about 1975.  Better than that makes it sound.  "Hex Me" and "Dead Wipe" alternate as my fave on this one on a daily basis.

Joe Preston:*

       There is good noise and there is bad noise.  This is bad noise.

Lysol:*****

       There is no better symbol of being a Melvins fan than Lysol on cassette.  The slow-mo crush of the song "Hung Bunny" provides not only my favorite Melvins song title ever, but also the aural expression on the dues that newcomers must pay for the enlightment of Melvinsism.  "Roman Dog Bird" rises from the opening goop to utterly pound the lucky listener into submission, as Buzz blends the dirt level day to day of GPT with the darkness of "Bullhead" lyrically.  Followed by an apocalyptic take on "Sacrifice" and an extremely creepy take on "The Ballad of Dwight Fry," it all leads  into the raw emotion and scowl-tuned riff of "With Teeth," likely my all time fave Melvins song.

Houdini:****1/2

    The Melvins start moving towards more openly weird, and at the same time, manage to put out a great album of relatively straight-forward metal.  Highpoints:   "Night Goat" looks back towards Bullhead and forward towards Stoner Witch at the same time; a dark song with 10 tons of metal groove.  Speaking of which, my fave on the album is the bass-led "Teet," an experimental expansion of some of the shorter ones on "Bullhead."  "Lizzy" looks all the way to the Swans-Meet-Depeche-Mode-and-Get-Wasted gothgrunge of The Bootlicker.  Automotive comparisons seem to fit, "Hag Me" is a stolen tractor trailer relentlessly crashing through police road blocks for no logical reason.  "Hooch" and "Honey Bucket" barrel towards the listener like spike-covered camaros.    Get out of the way, or get run over.  Better yet, hop in.

Prick:**1/2

     Sonic experiments that still keep the interest, and avoid taking themselves too seriously.  Art, straight no chaser.  Yet still a listen that goes on over and over again, rather than once, so you can say you've done it.  Besides, "Rickets" is basically stripper music for people with no attention span.

Stoner Witch: *****

      The Melvins album that spends the most time at the top of my ever changing list of favorite Melvins albums, Stoner Witch is probably the Melvins at their most refined, smart, metallic, all dark and shiny.   The oft-maligned "Revolve" is probably my favorite.  Just a tower of power.  "At the Stake" is a close second.  Make-out music for a cenobite's first date.  "Queen" also shines with it's burnt rumble, "Roadbull" with it's marshal charge, and "Junebug" with it's hoedown in hell rumbing bassline.   Meanwhile "Magic Pig Detective" turn from a screeching noise experiment into two minutes of cybernetic biker punk, and "Shevil" stands aloof as the greatest space rock song ever writen.  I think it's a concept album.

Stag: *****

    The Melvins grab psychedelic rock by the lapels, and then shake it before stealing it's lunch money.  Among the priceless gems that fall out, the unstoppable assault of "The Bit," the utter insanity of "Black Bock" and industrial noise sculpture of "Goggles."  "Skin Horse," and "Tipping the Lion"  play the royalty constantly struggling against the revolutionaries of "Buck Owens" and "Captain Pungent."  And as far as "Bar-X the Rockin' M". . .well, that's just the insane  voodoo ringmaster who spins this particular circus between surealism and dada.

Honky: ***1/2

     The bad trip equivalent of Stag's mind expansion, Honky seems to echo from very deep underground.  Again, maybe a bit of a let-down, energy-wise from the previous ones.  Still, it can be sight to be behold as the mechanical "Lovely Butterflies" leads it's army of nightmare paintings like "Harry Lander's Walking Stick Tree" and "Airbreather Deep in the Arms of Morpheus."  Music for a party barge on the River Styx.

Singles 1-12:****

   True, there is some junk mixed in there, but much of the rest is essential.  "GGIIBBYY" has got to be one of the best songs ever chopped off another album.

Alive at the Fucker Club: **

     (See Mangled Demos above)

The Maggot: ****1/2

     The Melvins absolutely refuse to take prisoners in their most aggressive punch since Eggnog.  Pure headbang for the highly intelligent from the word go .  "AMAZON" sums up the musical lessons Atlantic years perfectly.  Meanwhile, "Manky" is simply mad as hell and not going to take it anymore.

The Bootlicker:*****

    The Melvins' sex album.  Pure and simple.  Absolute perfection in that regard.  Also, the slipperiest, darkest, and, dare I say it, most Goth thing they've ever done.  Think about it: "Lone Rose Holding Now" and "Mary Lady Bobby Kins" are defintely the stoner sisters of "Flies on the Windscreen."  Meanwhile, "Up the Dumper" is the world's most sarcastic song, and "Black Santa" shows us what Norwegian black metal should have been instead of what we ended up with.  And that's not even mentioning the undead blues of the album's centerpiece, "Let It All Be."

The Crybaby:****

    Nearly unrateable and indescribable.  Lief Garrett on lead vocals of an even heavier cover of "Smells Like Teen Spirit" should not in any logical realm go well along side the wrenching unoffical spiritual sequel to "Annum," the Foetus-voiced "Mine is No Disgrace."  But it just does, and that's Bob-level High Weirdness.  Seriously, like their entire career, The Crybaby constantly teeters between genius and subgenius.  All sorts of different angles come in to both boggle the mind, and utterly pulverise the brain.  "Blockbuster" (!) "Dry Drunk" (!!) "Moonpie" (!!!)

Colossus of Destiny:***

    A great idea, that just doesn't work quite perfectly.  Wears thin, like "Hung Bunny" without the climax of "Roman Dog Bird."  Still, better than "Jerusalem" by Sleep.  A supernova, beautiful, but painful to experience.

Electroretard:***

   A nice little between meals snack.  High in flavor, light in substance.

Millennium Monsterwork: *1/2

    Some things just don' t work in the transition to a recorded state.  This is one of them.  Style seems off.  Probably would have been amazing up close and personal.  Pieces seem missing on disc.

Hostile Ambient Takeover:*****

    Rested and refreshed, the Melvins semi-reinvent themselves again.  This time as metallic noise rockers, with an industrial punch and a psychedelic sneer.  The illegitimate child of The Maggot and Stag, conceived to the soundtrack of an infinite number of TVs and Atari 2600's being run through a tree shredder.  The disturbing dreamscapes of "The Anti-Vermin Seed" rubs shoulders with the arrogant geek-metal strut of "Little Judas Chongo."  Mix in the more cryptic influences of Bullhead and you have "Foaming."  Try the occultic glint of Honkey instead, and your reward is "The Fool, The Meddling Idiot."

Pigs of the Roman Empire:****

   The musical distillation of rusted evil.  If you get tired during bits, don't worry, "Pink Bat" and "The Bloated Pope" will be along to kick your ass in a minute.

Never Breathe What You Can't See:**1/2
Sieg Howdy!:**1/2

   I've never been a big fan of the Dead Kennedys, apart from "Nazi Punks Fuck Off", which must be liked, or the laws of physics no longer make sense.  The Jelvins records sound like a really great punk metal band, in need of a better lead singer.  Would like to hear the current line up with Buzz and Jared sharing vocals on these.

A Live History of Gluttony and Lust: ***1/2

    A good live version of a good album.  Guess I'm just not a fan of live albums, but it seems unremarkable.

(A) Senile Animal:*****

     The Melvins version ?.0.  The now extremely unconventional line-up effortlessly creates an army of mechanical art metal demons to conquer the world.  Absolutely no weak spots or soft points, though "A Civilized Worm," "A History of Bad Men" and "The Hawk" constantly compete for for second place behind the lofty monarch of the album "A Vast Filthy Prison," while "A History of Drunks" serves as the assassin disguised and court jester.

[mckickflip]

Mangled Demos from 1983:
10 Songs / 26 Songs:
Gluey Porch Treatments:
Ozma:
Your Choice Live Series:
Bullhead:
Eggnog:
King Buzzo:
Dale Crover:
Joe Preston: - why, joe, why?!
Lysol: (that should be 6/5)
Houdini:
Prick:
Stoner Witch:
Stag:
Honky:
Singles 1-12:
Alive at the Fucker Club:
The Maggot:
The Bootlicker:
The Crybaby:
Colossus of Destiny:
Electroretard:
Millennium Monsterwork:
Hostile Ambient Takeover:
Pigs of the Roman Empire:
Never Breathe What You Can't See:
Sieg Howdy!:
A Live History of Gluttony and Lust:
(A) Senile Animal:
Making Love Demos:

my scores are too close, i need to redo this out of 10 or something. i also can't make up my mind.

[Idlehanz]

If'n I nkew how to do that star shit, I'd add to this

[anaconda]

just quote his post, and then cut n paste the code he's used. muahahaha

[molotov]

Let's go:

Mangled Demos from 1983:...............................6.5/10
10 Songs / 26 Songs:.........................................6.5/10
Gluey Porch Treatments:..................................7.0/10
Ozma:..............................................................7.5/10
Bullhead:.........................................................7.5/10
Eggnog:...........................................................7.5/10
King Buzzo:......................................................6.5/10
Dale Crover:.....................................................7.0/10
Joe Preston: .....................................................7.0/10
Lysol:.............................................................9.5/10
Houdini:........................................................9.0/10
Prick:...............................................................8.5/10
Stoner Witch:...................................................8.0/10
Stag:................................................................8.0/10
Honky:............................................................9.5/10
Singles 1-12:.....................................................7.5/10
The Maggot:.....................................................10/10
The Bootlicker:..................................................8.5/10
The Crybaby:..................................................10/10
Colossus of Destiny:............................................8.5/10
Electroretard:....................................................8.5/10
Hostile Ambient Takeover:............................9.5/10
Pigs of the Roman Empire:.............................10/10
Never Breathe What You Can't See:.....................8.0/10
Sieg Howdy!:.....................................................8.5/10
(A) Senile Animal:.........................................9.0/10
Nude With Boots:............................................10/10